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Sunday, July 17, 2011

The Dark of Bay's Pimply Butt

I went out for a movie date with the spouse today. I really wanted to watch Terrence Malick's The Tree of Life but my spouse is into the Transformers movies so you know which movie we ended up watching. I have seen the first two movies and yes, they were beyond horrible. Unfortunately, Dark of the Moon - a title which refers to director Michael Bay practically  mooning us with this crappy piece of work - is not any better than the previous films. The special effects were great but everything else about the movie was just bad. When it was all over - I was surprised that I was still alive - I walked out of the theater with a painful headache because:

1) at 2 and a half hours, the movie was just way too long because the plot was so pedestrian.

2) a bunch of the Autobots have unnecessarily racial/international accents when they speak and these were complemented with the "proper" facial representations.

3) Sam Witwickey now has a British girlfriend... What? I heard about the whole Megan Fox situation - producer Steven Spielberg apparently has no sense of humor - but this coupling made absolutely no sense to me whatsoever.

4) the convenient robot deaths... So they can slash and shoot at each other for days on end without anybody dying until they input some secret fatality command to finish each other off.

As I was staring at Michael Bay's @$$, I realized that it wasn't pimply at all. No Sir... It was actually rather smooth and muscular. Very tight and defined. But then I noticed the curious dark-green ooze sloppily spreading out from between the cheeks. Yeah, that was Transformers: Dark of the Moon to me.

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