Remember what I wrote about my husband's Thanksgiving 2014 reveal? Noticed how I didn't really elaborate on his family's reaction to the news? Well, back then though things seemed to be fine, there was a part of me that knew that things wouldn't be so simple. I didn't really want to dwell on that doubt because I'd like to be optimistic about things but unfortunately, things did start to unravel soon after I posted that article.
I remember suggesting that my husband approach his father privately to talk about the truth about him because I know that his father is a bit of a control freak. My husband insisted that he wanted to do things on his own terms but it was later revealed that his father was not pleased about the group-level announcement during that Thanksgiving dinner. It translated into a trust issue though I suspect that it goes deeper than that. There is a reason why my husband's mother informed him to never tell his father about him being bisexual and the reason behind that became rather obvious then. Thus, the relationship between my husband and his father began to falter soon after the announcement with the latter often questioning my husband about trusting him. It's gotten so bad that during the July 2015 incident when my husband was hospitalized in San Diego, his father made mention to me that my husband "doesn't trust him anymore" during my communication with him.
When my husband returned from San Diego, he also suffered from bouts of depression and that resulted in lesser and lesser communication with his father. When they did talk, everything seemed to be okay but it was obvious that his father wasn't happy with him. My husband did explain to his father that he had been depressed but I noticed that his father could only see one thing: it's all about him and not about my husband. Things got worse on Christmas last year however when his father didn't even show up for Christmas dinner, something that we have hosted at our place forever. He didn't even bother telling my husband that he wasn't coming. My husband called him all morning to check where he was at, only to be contacted by his sister later on that they already ate Christmas brunch and that they weren't coming because they didn't know we were hosting a Christmas get together because my husband hadn't been calling them to communicate just that. I could care less what they do for Christmas but to listen to my husband's defeated voice during that call really hurt me. It was cruel what they did knowing that my husband was going through a lot with his injury from San Diego and his depression, among other things.
Several people asked me how my Christmas was last year and I just said it was fine. The fact of the matter is, it was a fucked up Christmas. My husband couldn't see that it wasn't his fault that his father treated him that way and he had been catering to his dad to restore the relationship ever since. They seem to get along better these days though I doubt that whatever it was that his father felt ever since he knew about our relationship is still there I'm sure. I do understand why my husband is doing what he's doing. He has always been close to his family and he couldn't see himself losing that. To me, I think there's something wrong when you are punishing someone who is supposedly your family when that person is down in the dumps physically and mentally. I'm glad I am selfish when it comes to pursuing my happiness because people are more than willing to take that away from you as selfishly as well.
Not all is bad last Christmas though: Here's Yoshi receiving her X'mas gift.
My husband asked me the other day if I have played anything but "enemy's been slain" game - he's referring to League of Legends, a game that took up a lot of my time for years - and I said yes of course as I pointed him towards the Daily Game Log that I publish every week on this site. He didn't really believe me because whenever he just happens to walk pass the Game Room, he would see me play Heroes of the Storm and he can't distinguish that from LoL - believe me, I tried to explain it to him that they are two different games. I then urged him to check out my Twitch broadcast archive alongside my YouTube videos but he has no interest in those whatsoever. And that is fine but the whole thing got me thinking: If my own husband doesn't really see the value of listing played games without any hint of actual gameplay attached to it, well, perhaps I have been doing this whole thing wrong. I am glad that I keep track of the games I play every single day but I realized that there is a better way to document this... Then it hit me: Twitch! I finally have a real purpose for streaming besides the whole looking for like-minded friends bullshit that I keep feeding myself. I am now going to save all of my gameplay as highlights and then publishing them here on this site daily. Sure, people have better things to do than watching me play video games - and I do play a lot of video games every day - but just like the previous format of listing these played games, this is just a more robust way of documenting my gaming activities. I think it may be cool to one day in the distant future to randomly pick a day from the Daily Game Log and watch myself play my games. One thing for sure, this is going to be the most detailed Gaming Diary ever conceived - my plan here to have a recording of every single one of my gameplay sessions outside of the handhelds (I don't have the tools for that yet) - and I am committed to see through the process until I am unable to play video games anymore. The first entry will be visible on the site tomorrow!
The evolution begins today!
Update Note: 02/22/2016, 12:08pm - It looks like it's going to be easier for me to do with by streaming on YouTube Gaming instead of Twitch. I am going to make the jump and start documenting my daily gaming there instead. As a bonus, the stream quality is a lot better too because YouTube allows up to two times the bitrate of your a Twitch stream plus transcoding! I may have to still stream Audiosurf 2 on Twitch though...
02/22/2016, 3:30pm - With the new focus on gameplay documentation, I have decided to retire the Monthly Gaming Analysis portion of this site. This of course affects the Yearly Gaming Analysis segment as well, even though I am still committed in publishing the result from 2015. Video gaming for me these days has evolved into a continuous spectrum that is not defined by the constraints of time and I am hoping that this renewed focus will also reinvigorate the journalistic side of this passionate hobby of mine.
03/04/2016 - Alright, so I have encountered some technical difficulties with trying to maintain my daily gaming diary, specifically when it comes to dealing with copyright tags on YouTube Gaming. Maybe I need to scale this down somewhat. Are video logs really that important to me? I don't think I really need to prove to anyone that I am playing all these games I play. Perhaps I should just take a screenshot from my broadcast sessions to commemorate them every day. Yeah, I prefer that a lot more. I think it's more fun to cut highlight videos when magical moments occur. Recording the whole entirety of gameplay is just a lazy solution. I am going to try this out and see where it takes me.
03/04/2016 - I don't know, it just doesn't feel right. I'm thinking perhaps I should just let this whole thing go. I am not too proud to admit if something is not working out. Perhaps it's best to just retire the whole gameplay tracking thing, just enjoy my gaming, and move on from there.