Monday, March 9, 2009

Review: Friday the 13th

Friday the 13th (2009)
Genre: Horror
Format: Theatrical Release
Director: Marcus Nispel

When it comes to movies that emerge from the recent horror-remake sickness in Hollywood, one of my favorites is Marcus Nispel's The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It was relentless, brutal, and different from the original in many good ways. I did watch Pathfinder, another of Nispel's movie and thought that it was more than just an average action flick. It was so easy then for me to believe that this remake of the classic Friday the 13th was going to be at least serviceable. Oh I so wished that I was right while sitting in the theatre uncomfortably during its run time.

Most of the blame can definitely be pointed towards the movie's screenwriters. What were they thinking? The fusion of ideas from the first several movies in the Friday the 13th saga makes this remake feel rushed. It would probably have been better to redefine the movie's origin - this is a remake after all - or make this a sequel to the last movie, in which it would have probably worked a little better. The movie starts off with a very brief scene that shows how Jason Vorhees, the sadistic killing machine who butchers those who are unfortunate enough to find Camp Crystal Lake, come to be before providing the audience with an ample amount of highly cliched, fully undeveloped characters to be killed off. Horror movies don't have to be intelligent to be fun but the way this one packs all them sardines into the can is just so dumbed down and forced that it must have came from a tired focus group of film producers who think they know what makes a good horror movie (I'm looking at you Michael Bay).

So you get a bunch of horny, drug-induced, half naked youngsters in the movie. The next question is, how do you kill them off? This remake's answer: Slowly and painfully, of course... But in a very boring way! There is only one - yes, as in "1" - good murder scene in the movie and the rest are just so excruciatingly unimaginative. Machete through the chest? Come on! If you are expecting the creative and gory kills that had evolve progressively throughout the series' history, you will be totally disappointed. Let me just say this: The Coen brothers made a much better use of the wood-chipper in Fargo than how it was used here. Pretty absurd if you ask me.

I am a big horror fan and I so wanted this movie to be good but it's just not. Throughout the viewing I kept telling myself that it would get better but it never did. It took me weeks to convince my significant other to watch this film with me. I should have watched it on my own because what is worse than watching a terrible movie? Watching it with someone you love because that person doesn't deserve to experience the same level of torture. Comparatively speaking, this remake is as bad as Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan. Yes, it's really quite awful.

RATING: 1 out of 5

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Here, here!! I agree. What a waste of time and money. I am happy that I did not pay full price. The babes were pretty fine and that why I give a -1.