Friday, November 14, 2014

No More "Spouse"

Something important happened today. Something that I never knew would happen this soon. I don't have to say that I have a "spouse" anymore, for what I actually have is a husband. Yes, all this time, the reason why I had used the gender neutral word of "spouse" to describe whom I married was because my husband was not comfortable with the whole situation being out in the open. Though he has some friends who know about his marriage (most of mine know about it), that information is unknown to his family. And of course, this has been very, very hard for me whenever I spend time with him and his family, which just happens to be the only family I know since I had to abandon my side of the family because of their absolute inability to accept me for who I am. Yeah, it has been very hard to try to describe my husband in my posts sometimes because I always have to dance around words. But not anymore.

Our anniversary rings.

My husband is going to be celebrating his birthday next week and this morning, he revealed his plan to have the celebration with his family at a restaurant. I asked to be excused from the event and told him that I would celebrate with him separately and that I would pass on the family get-together. He knows that I have always been uncomfortable being "that friend" whenever I hang out with him and his family and once again, I told him how much it hurts being in that situation and I just couldn't handle it anymore, thus my request to skip the event. That was when the unexpected happened. He asked me if I could be there with him if he tells his family about us. I was hesitant but of course I said yes. I advised him that perhaps it would be wiser to be in a more private setting when announcing our relationship to them but he is determined to do it during the birthday dinner. I am very nervous right now and I am sure that the nervousness is going to keep building up until the actual announcement yet my husband feels like he's at peace with it. I never knew that this would ever happen. I have shared with him in the past that if he passed away before I do, it would be hard for me because his family would only know about the relationship then and that may cause unnecessary heartaches as if the death itself would't be hard enough for me to bear. There used to be a time when he would just look at me and said "Deal with it." I am glad that I will not longer have that concern looming over me anymore. I told him that I will be writing this piece on the website and he is fine with it. I am so happy that my husband is finally at that point where he is fully embracing his freedom. He said that he is done with worrying about what his family or others think about his life. I do hope that his family will be able to accept him after the reveal but he agrees that if things don't work out for the best, we both still have our lives with each other.

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