Life is short and humans age fast. As much as you would like to think otherwise, especially during moments when you feel that time seemingly stops because you are waiting for something good to happen to you, by the time you know it, you are just moments away from non-existence. At least it seems that way sometimes, especially the fact that we are surrounded by death in our every day living, both real and imaginary. It's always preferable to live in the moment of course, since that is the only thing that makes sense as a mortal being.
Death in video games and death in real life are two drastically different things. Or are they? I mean, even though I am an atheist who doesn't believe in religion nor the afterlife, I don't exactly know how the universe actually works when it comes to assignment of the sentience self and I have thought about the possibility of multiple existences, simultaneous or overlapping and everything in between. Why is this consciousness and participation bound to this Loner Gamer person in this particular reality? Why wouldn't I find myself a thousand years from now in whatever apocalypse humanity will find itself in or a thousand years in the past that preceded us? So perhaps, just like in video games, specifically the survival genre, there are opportunities to continue to play in our reality, that is if the rule involved unlimited retries or limited credits, as long as you are not on your last continue that is - if only there is a way to check on that.
I have always been aware of the finite nature of my life since I was a child, thus I have spent a lot of time thinking about the nature of existence. It's a heavy thought for anyone to revisit often, especially during the early years, but as I grew older, I have gotten used to all of its meanderings. For me, losing my own existence is a hard pill to swallow but it comes with its own benefit: a sanctuary from the burden of being. Losing the existence of someone you care about is scarier because you will be alive to experience the loss. Even with all of this understanding about the fragile nature of my existence that I have embraced over the years, I find it very curious that lately, I have been having a lot of what I would describe as "Death Dreams". These are dreams that would lead me down a path towards an eventual death. I would not necessary die in these dreams, for the most part I would just end up realizing that I was going to before I would wake up. Sometimes, I did end up dying but then I would find myself being alive again by some twist of logic, as if given a second chance to correct the mistakes made that resulted in my demise. These dreams felt very real, as most dreams are, so whenever these particular ones occur, I really thought in my sleep that I was heading towards death. All of these instances were scary of course and as much as I didn't agree with the things that were going on, I always found myself swept in the eventualities. Most often than not, there was some deep sense of sadness that accompanied the whole thing. It's as if my subconscious wanted me to be prepared for what is to come to all of us who have found ourselves here on Earth, born as a part of the human collective.
If this life is some kind of advanced video game, what is the goal? Is there even one? Is there something that we are supposed to do with our lives and would fulfilling it provide us with some kind of reward that we cannot see yet? Is it just for entertainment? Is it like virtual reality or there is a physical disconnect between the player and that which the player controls? Unless something in this reality breaks, there is absolutely just no way to find the answers. I remember analyzing religions growing up and I saw the loopholes, the implausibility of it all yet a large number of people take an easy explanation so that they can live their lives with ease. There is nothing wrong with that until these people want everybody else to also practice their beliefs. Because mortals yearn for immortality. I prefer the latter myself. But now that I am approaching half a century of being alive, I know that my time will come. Just like with the games I play, whether I win or lose, abandoned or finished, they all eventually end.
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