Daddy Issues, Daddies Rated

Dream Daddy: A Daddy Dating Simulator for the Personal Computer is a strange game. You play as a single dad of an 18 year old girl who just recently moved to a cul-de-sac filled with other daddies that you can co-mingle with. Since you can choose your dead significant other as either a man or a woman, the game seems to be bit confused. From my first 3 hours of play, the game is portraying most of these daddies as straight and it seems cruel to tease a gay guy like me to spend time knowing these guys. The game seems to be more about fatherhood because the story is centered around your own father-daughter relationship - and hell yes, Amanda wouldn't have gotten away with dismissing me the way she does to the main daddy character - I think that this game was named incorrectly. On the surface level, I am not sure of the game's length, this isn't truly a game about gay dating. It's a game about fatherhood with some homo-erotic elements in it. But I suppose the marketing department thought that it wouldn't have sold well to be truthful about the actual game.

Despite the game's identity issue, Dream Daddy does contain some attractive looking cartoon daddies. In real life, I do find daddies sexy. I don't know, there is something about their maturity and toughness. Also, having kids is a sign that the guys are uh, virile? Those who are new to relationships though, heed my advise. Unless you absolutely can't find a guy with no kids, stay away from them. You don't want to learn the hard way as I did. Back to the game: since the developer honed in on the hot daddy factor to entice their target audience, let's treat these daddies that way by rating their attractiveness:

Mat: The Coffee Shop Daddy

I like guys with a stubble - I'd die for a chance to touch a 5 o'clock shadow - so that's certainly a plus for him. He looks kinda cute I guess. I am not a fan of long hair, it's just not masculine. He has an annoying sense of humor where he likes experimenting with puns. As an undergraduate, I always thought that a sexy guy can't be a funny guy. Later in life, I found that to be quite incorrect. But this guy? He is way overdoing it. And the puns are not even that clever.

Hotness Rating: 😍😍😒😒😒

Brian: The Beer Belly Bush Daddy

I am a stubble guy and he is way too bushy. He does have the potential to look very hot if he can shave that shit down. I am not deterred by that big round belly of his. Look, I don't mind a tight, muscular body with a six pack but there is nothing wrong with a pot belly as long as you don't look bloated everywhere. Seems like a nice guy, very friendly. Too much into his daughter though but I guess that's the curse of fatherhood. Also owns a dog.

Hotness Rating: 😍😍😍😒😒

Craig: The Sporty Daddy

For a smooth-faced motherfucker, he does look rather handsome. Very much into fitness... but very much into fatherhood with that little baby always strapped in front of his muscular bod. He used to be your fat college roommate so that additional tidbit of information made him somewhat hotter. But you know there is no way you can hook up with a guy this well put together so your dick immediately learns to just stay limp when he's around.

Hotness Rating: 😍😒😒😒😒

Damien: The Vampire Daddy

I can be a bit goth. I like wearing anything black. I also used to own black lipsticks. The funny thing is, I never consider goth guys sexy. So this guy immediately falls off the radar. He is very serious about the Victorian era but strangely shops at the game's version of a Hot Topic store. You know a true goth doesn't shop at freaking Hot Topic. Seems like a nice guy though. His son is more goth than he is. Also, he looks way too elf-ish feminine for me.

Hotness Rating: 😒😒😒😒😒

Hugo: The Nerdy Daddy?

It's obvious that the game's developer doesn't know how to make a proper nerdy but sexy guy. Hugo is your daughter's teacher. He's saying that your daughter hasn't been turning in her papers. That mustache made me threw up a bit in my mouth. Then, he also has a man bun, yuck! This character is definitely a mistake. He has a loser son but the only true loser is whoever playing this game and has to interact with this badly imagined failure of a character.

Hotness Rating: 😒😒😒😒😒

Joseph: The Preacher Daddy

A youth minister with a preppy look, wearing a pink polo shirt. Only in Dream Daddy! He's got too many kids and a drunk wife who likes to flirt at the local bar. During a backyard party, the couple was not very friendly with each other. The developer wants you to fall for this guy apparently with all of these mixed signals. He was the first to welcome you to the neighborhood. Another baby-faced but hot guy. I am not into blondes but I really don't mind Joseph at all...

Hotness Rating: 😍😍😍😒😒

Robert: The Gangster Daddy

Before playing the game, I saw this guy in a screenshot and immediately got turned on. He's so hot, I thought he would be the uh, hardest daddy to sleep with. Lo and behold, it was the opposite. Slept with him the first night I met him and I have slept with him... twice now? Yes, Robert is ridiculously handsome. Dark haired, stubbly and oh very rough, very strong. Also, very mysterious. He doesn't say much which adds to the curiosity. Kicking me out of the house after sex made me feel dirty but if that means I can come back, then shoo me out of your messy house every morning honey.

Hotness Rating: 😍😍😍😍😍

Even though the game blesses me with the thrill of chasing after Robert, why is it that I have a feeling this will all be for naught? Anyway, I do look forward to sticking with this one until completion. I am already cautious about the game though but I hope that it will be able to surprise me in the end.

FIRST IMPRESSION: 3 out of 5

Early Access: Playing with Fire

As I have expressed before, I do not like the Early Access program on Steam. Sure, there are many games that ended up being a total success through the program, Subnautica being the prime example, but you can't say the same for an overwhelming majority of them. Early Access is the silliest thing ever. Developers used to pay people to test their games and now it's the other way around. It also makes them lazy: they already got our precious cash so there is absolutely no reason for them to get the product out quickly or provide meaningful update in a timely manner to the games being developed. Since I have been on a survival game binge lately, I have been lax with my "completed game" requirement and gotten titles that are still in Early Access. Thankfully, most of them are very playable though some of are showing signs of developer malaise like this horror I saw in 7 Days to Die:

My character is so handsome... and so blurry.

I was playing this game with the highest possible settings and the textures on the character model was just... bad. The whole game is actually pretty ugly. And let's see, this game has been in Early Access since December of 2013? And it's still in alpha? I should have known better. Since I read a lot of good things about the game, I just couldn't help myself because it was cheap during the recent Lunar New Year Sale. Steam should place a limit on Early Access in which developers who took longer than a year in the program must offer a full refund to all paying customers while still allowing them to keep the games. Just like pornographic VR games that are now flooding the store ever since Valve started allowing such creative liberties on Steam, Early Access games are getting out of control. While the former is a victory in gaming freedom, even though I don't partake in them, Early Access games are starting to look like a scam. 7 Days to Die seems playable though despite the visual presentation and oh, despite the name, I did die on day one thanks to a nasty bug that kept teleporting me away from a settlement before I could reach it. That's Early Access for you.

Character Secret Revealed: Deckard

Have you ever wondered how Deckard Cain from the Diablo series, who also stars in Heroes of the Storm, would look under that forever unwashed robe he wears all the time? Not me but it seems like Blizzard is more than happy to fulfill many a secret fantasies about the old man with the recently released Deckard Pain skin for him in Heroes of the Storm:

Forever buff.

After all that travel in search for knowledge, you know that he's very fit under all that garment complete with bulging biceps that are just begging to be bitten and a six-pack. The real question now is this: Does he look super hot under all that facial hair? Perhaps we will get the answer to that when his next skin arrives...

Steam Wants Your $160

Since Monday, Steam has been having its Lunar New Year Sale that will last for a week. There are so many games on sale, like usual, and I have found plenty of good deals on my out of control wishlist. With this Chinese New Year themed event, you can accrue 100 tokens for every $1 spent for yourself or 111 tokens for every $1 spent as a gift. At first, you think that this may be a reasonable reward points exchange but then when you look at the items that you can spend your tokens on, it seems like Valve really, really wants you to spend your money... I mean, they always do but compared to previous sales event rewards, this one features goals that feel rather far-fetched and unobtainable.

The top 3 rewards are very costly. You can also spend tokens on new backgrounds and emotes.

You start off with a token amount based on your previous purchase before the event started plus a $5 discount for the first $30 spent but to get an additional $5 discount, they want you to spend $150! Oh my galaxy! And I thought getting that $5 gift card recently for buying $25 worth of frozen food at Target was a bad deal. It's clear here that the ultimate Premium Reward for this event is the Golden Profile and judging by its setup, this particular reward is going to be a yearly thing: You have to spend $40 just to unlock it until end of sale... Then you have to spend $120 to keep the golden profile for a year. I opted to spend my tokens on things that are permanent: the profile badge and the backgrounds plus emotes. This very specific amount of $160 for the Golden Profile combo is perhaps indicative of the average amount of money people spend during these Steam sales events because it wouldn't make any sense to price it so high if most people wouldn't be able to unlock it. I seriously think that people should avoid getting the Golden Profile at any tier level to discourage Valve from using timed features as rewards. If people are willing to spend money on that, what's next? It's a scary thought. Bad Valve... Your greed is showing.

2018 Gaming Analysis

2018 was a year of new beginnings. I didn't have a home until sometime in February and since then, it's been a struggle to find some stability in my life, both physically and emotionally. As of today, my new Game Room still doesn't feel complete. How I have forgotten the length of time it really takes for one to truly settle down and feel... content. I really miss that feeling. Now I haven't done this year in review thing for 3 years. Thus, there will be some changes in the format but I just want to look back and to find and celebrate the little sparks that happened last year in terms of my gaming life. Note: Most of the time, it takes a while before I get to the games that I inducted to my library so a game doesn't have to be released in 2018 for them to be considered memorable for the year.

TOTAL INDUCTIONS: 883

14.4% of Game Library total as of 02/06/2019

Okay, even I was shocked when I pulled up that number. That's a lot of freaking games. I could have sworn it would be less than a quarter of that but then I remember getting plenty of game series and huge bundles during the Steam sales so it makes a lot of sense: for example the Nancy Drew bundle that I got in December contained 20 titles! I can't help it, the cheaper games on Steam deserve some love too and I normally gravitate towards them when the bigger titles fail to deliver more than 60% discounts... Sometimes, I surprised people on Steam whenever I splurged but if you look closely at the games I selected, you can see the ridiculously cheap price tags attached to the majority of them.

FAVORITE GAME OF THE YEAR:

Assassin's Creed: Odyssey

Developer: Ubisoft

Induction Date: 12/24/2018

Platform: Personal Computer

For a continuation of a long running game series, Assassin's Creed: Odyssey is nothing short of a miracle. They keep releasing a seemingly never ending amount of new entries, one after another, in short periods of time mind you and instead of delivering the same old thing, they surprisingly managed to actually create the ultimate AC experience with Odyssey. Everything about this game just works, from the main characters, to the Greek setting, to the open world setup. The more I play the game, the more it opens up and soon, I found myself buried in quests - there are just too many things for one person to do! I played it so much one day that I actually got sick of it because I had too much goodness! Yes, I had to pace myself with this one because there is always a goal, always an adventure just waiting for me every time I jump into the game. It's amazing to run around the huge game world and if you are like me, soak it all in without using the fast travel option! No, I haven't completed the game yet but 50+ hours of beauty and wonderment on top of the tight action and stealth sequences made this the most prominent, most satisfying game I played in 2018.

SURPRISE OF THE YEAR:

The Nintendo Switch

Nintendo disappointed me when they abandoned the Wii U so very quickly. I will never ever forgive them for that. I was certainly unimpressed by their new Switch. It's obviously made to cater those who want to game away from home? But then I noticed that they released a lot of Psikyo shoot-'em-ups for the system so I caved in. I love the Psikyo ports but my opinion about the system is still the same. It's a disappointing console/handheld hybrid. It worked great when I went for a little getaway vacation to Lake Tahoe but everything else about the system is mediocre. The Joy-Cons, despite the name, brought not an ounce of joy. And Nintendo wants to charge us more money to buy the proper Pro controller for the system? I just opted for a USB adapter and play the system using a DualShock 4... Couple with Nintendo's new pay to play online policy, I think they are heading down a very dark path. Just port more shmups alright?

LOWEST POINT OF THE YEAR:

God of War

Developer: Santa Monica Studio

Induction Date: 08/16/2018

Platform: PlayStation 4

Every single God of War game that came before it started with absolutely epic beginning stages, like the hydra attack in the first game or the battle with the Colossus of Rhodes in the second game. This one? Well, you row down a river with your son to get the funeral of your wife going. Cory Barlog, the game director who was responsible for the first two games has apparently lost his marbles. I always thought that the awfulness of God of War III can be blamed on him leaving the project. Now, I am not even sure about that anymore. This game is an example of over-parenthood ruining things. There are appropriate games where you can interject your love for your offspring but in a God of War game? And how did a game about Greek mythology turn into a Nordic fantasy? Was it because he married a Swede? It makes you think, does it not? I tried to keep playing the game but I am here to kick some arse, not to guide some brat. This could have been a glorious return, God of War: Ascension style. Instead, we get another misguided, wholly unnecessary reinvention, like those new Tomb Raider games. This isn't God of War... It's God of Waa-waa-waa!

How was your gaming experience in 2018?

What would be your choices for the 3 categories above? I'd love to know!