Daddy Issues, Daddies Rated

Dream Daddy: A Daddy Dating Simulator for the Personal Computer is a strange game. You play as a single dad of an 18 year old girl who just recently moved to a cul-de-sac filled with other daddies that you can co-mingle with. Since you can choose your dead significant other as either a man or a woman, the game seems to be bit confused. From my first 3 hours of play, the game is portraying most of these daddies as straight and it seems cruel to tease a gay guy like me to spend time knowing these guys. The game seems to be more about fatherhood because the story is centered around your own father-daughter relationship - and hell yes, Amanda wouldn't have gotten away with dismissing me the way she does to the main daddy character - I think that this game was named incorrectly. On the surface level, I am not sure of the game's length, this isn't truly a game about gay dating. It's a game about fatherhood with some homo-erotic elements in it. But I suppose the marketing department thought that it wouldn't have sold well to be truthful about the actual game.

Despite the game's identity issue, Dream Daddy does contain some attractive looking cartoon daddies. In real life, I do find daddies sexy. I don't know, there is something about their maturity and toughness. Also, having kids is a sign that the guys are uh, virile? Those who are new to relationships though, heed my advise. Unless you absolutely can't find a guy with no kids, stay away from them. You don't want to learn the hard way as I did. Back to the game: since the developer honed in on the hot daddy factor to entice their target audience, let's treat these daddies that way by rating their attractiveness:

Mat: The Coffee Shop Daddy

I like guys with a stubble - I'd die for a chance to touch a 5 o'clock shadow - so that's certainly a plus for him. He looks kinda cute I guess. I am not a fan of long hair, it's just not masculine. He has an annoying sense of humor where he likes experimenting with puns. As an undergraduate, I always thought that a sexy guy can't be a funny guy. Later in life, I found that to be quite incorrect. But this guy? He is way overdoing it. And the puns are not even that clever.

Hotness Rating: 😍😍😒😒😒

Brian: The Beer Belly Bush Daddy

I am a stubble guy and he is way too bushy. He does have the potential to look very hot if he can shave that shit down. I am not deterred by that big round belly of his. Look, I don't mind a tight, muscular body with a six pack but there is nothing wrong with a pot belly as long as you don't look bloated everywhere. Seems like a nice guy, very friendly. Too much into his daughter though but I guess that's the curse of fatherhood. Also owns a dog.

Hotness Rating: 😍😍😍😒😒

Craig: The Sporty Daddy

For a smooth-faced motherfucker, he does look rather handsome. Very much into fitness... but very much into fatherhood with that little baby always strapped in front of his muscular bod. He used to be your fat college roommate so that additional tidbit of information made him somewhat hotter. But you know there is no way you can hook up with a guy this well put together so your dick immediately learns to just stay limp when he's around.

Hotness Rating: 😍😒😒😒😒

Damien: The Vampire Daddy

I can be a bit goth. I like wearing anything black. I also used to own black lipsticks. The funny thing is, I never consider goth guys sexy. So this guy immediately falls off the radar. He is very serious about the Victorian era but strangely shops at the game's version of a Hot Topic store. You know a true goth doesn't shop at freaking Hot Topic. Seems like a nice guy though. His son is more goth than he is. Also, he looks way too elf-ish feminine for me.

Hotness Rating: 😒😒😒😒😒

Hugo: The Nerdy Daddy?

It's obvious that the game's developer doesn't know how to make a proper nerdy but sexy guy. Hugo is your daughter's teacher. He's saying that your daughter hasn't been turning in her papers. That mustache made me threw up a bit in my mouth. Then, he also has a man bun, yuck! This character is definitely a mistake. He has a loser son but the only true loser is whoever playing this game and has to interact with this badly imagined failure of a character.

Hotness Rating: 😒😒😒😒😒

Joseph: The Preacher Daddy

A youth minister with a preppy look, wearing a pink polo shirt. Only in Dream Daddy! He's got too many kids and a drunk wife who likes to flirt at the local bar. During a backyard party, the couple was not very friendly with each other. The developer wants you to fall for this guy apparently with all of these mixed signals. He was the first to welcome you to the neighborhood. Another baby-faced but hot guy. I am not into blondes but I really don't mind Joseph at all...

Hotness Rating: 😍😍😍😒😒

Robert: The Gangster Daddy

Before playing the game, I saw this guy in a screenshot and immediately got turned on. He's so hot, I thought he would be the uh, hardest daddy to sleep with. Lo and behold, it was the opposite. Slept with him the first night I met him and I have slept with him... twice now? Yes, Robert is ridiculously handsome. Dark haired, stubbly and oh very rough, very strong. Also, very mysterious. He doesn't say much which adds to the curiosity. Kicking me out of the house after sex made me feel dirty but if that means I can come back, then shoo me out of your messy house every morning honey.

Hotness Rating: 😍😍😍😍😍

Even though the game blesses me with the thrill of chasing after Robert, why is it that I have a feeling this will all be for naught? Anyway, I do look forward to sticking with this one until completion. I am already cautious about the game though but I hope that it will be able to surprise me in the end.

FIRST IMPRESSION: 3 out of 5