Review: Meet the Spartans

Meet the Spartans: Unrated Pit-of-Death Edition (2008)
Genre: Comedy
Format: Blu-ray
Directors: Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer

I consider myself to be very flexible when it comes to the types of movies I watch. Still, I do avoid certain films that just don't interest me - like the unappetizing spoofs of recent years. My significant other knows that I can be tricked into watching these movies: last year, an evening with some new friends became a cover to get me in the theatre for Disaster Movie - it was a bad, bad, BAD movie - and just a couple of nights ago, our shared Netflix queue brought Meet the Spartans to my home.

Even when faced with movies with a high probability of total failure, I always go into the viewing session with an open mind. The problem is, the terrible atrocity that of MtS was just so bad that I couldn't even pretend to like it when I tried to. MtS is a spoof of Zack Snyder's 300 and the plot progression here mirrors that movie. The iconic scenes are reenacted with cheap humor that capitalizes mostly on the homo-erotic nature of the Spartan men. Add some random jokes ala Family Guy (only here they are not funny) and you get the remaining bulk of the movie. From Paris Hilton to Spiderman, there is no hilarity in the proceedings because the movie is just trying to include as many popular culture references into it without doing anything remotely funny with them. For a really satisfying take on 300, watch this on southparkstudios.com and steer away from this piece of garbage.

RATING: 1 out of 5

Games Played 01/12/2009

Fatal Frame II: Crimson Butterfly - PlayStation 2
Gradius V - PlayStation 2
Ikaruga - X-Box 360
Sonic Unleashed Demo - X-Box 360/PlayStation 3
WipEout HD - PlayStation 3

RANDOM GAME OF THE DAY:


Silpheed: The Lost Planet (2000)
Developer: Game Arts/Treasure
Platform: PlayStation 2
Purchase Date: 2001


"Oh my Galaxy!"

Silpheed: The Lost Planet could have been a better game if Game Arts allowed Treasure to fully take over the project. This partnership served as Treasure's first foray into post-SegaSaturn technology and the result was a bit of a mixed blessing. Some moments in the game are pure brilliance, like the bosses, the big events scattered throughout the gameplay, and the accompanying character conversations while others, like the repeated usage of uninspired regular enemies and long-but-empty stages can be a tad boring. The weapon system where the ship can carry two different weapons at a time on the left and right guns is a bit shallow and it lacks flexibility. There is one encounter in the game that is reminiscent to a memorable point in Radiant Silvergun and then there are also some elements in here that can later be seen in Ikaruga. While playing the game, it is easy to figure out who was responsible for what between the two developers - it is possible that Treasure was just saving their best efforts for Ikaruga that emerged just merely a year after the release of this game.

LIBRARY STATUS: 4 out of 5

Loner Gamer Hates Werehog, Werehog Hates Sony

I have just recently posted my current position on multi-console releases and already there's a challenge to my decision to purchase the PlayStation 3 version of non-exclusive titles. The game in question here is Sonic Unleashed. I downloaded the demo on the PS3 tonight and I was totally shocked by the performance difference between it and the X-Box 360 demo I tested in early December last year. The texture quality and sharpness on both consoles are pretty much up to par with each other but the highly erratic, low frame rate on the PS3 version is just unforgivable... As if the new Hedgehog Engine was just not made to be compatible with the PS3. At first, I thought that my memory had betrayed me so I re-downloaded the demo on the X-Box 360 and that made the PS3 version look much worse. This means that I will have to buy the X-Box 360 version of the game, even though my gut instinct tells me that I should not even bother picking up this bad Sonic Team experiment at all - my friends insisted that the game is pretty good. I guess I'll find out the truth soon.

What is going on? Why does this game run so poorly on the PS3?!

Games Played 01/11/2009

Culdcept Saga - X-Box 360
Fatal Frame II: Crimson Butterfly - PlayStation 2
Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles - GameCube
Rock Band 2 - X-Box 360
Virtua Fighter 5 Online - X-Box 360

RANDOM GAME OF THE DAY:


Gradius V (2004)
Developer: Treasure Co., Ltd.
Platform: PlayStation 2
Purchase Date: 09/14/2004


No other developer can make superb bosses like Treasure. Period.

Konami made the right choice when they handed this project to Treasure. Gradius V ended up being the best game in the series and one of the best shooters ever. If this game was named something else and the classic Gradius power-up system as well as its signature look were removed, it could easily be the third entry in the Radiant Silvergun reincarnations. The game is beautiful and the first stage contains an apparent homage to Ikaruga. Overall, the classic designs of the ship and the enemies hold true to the Gradius series. The bosses are totally terrifying in their sizes, crafty mechanics, and merciless, godly, as well as epic firepower. Treasure was able to throw consecutive boss battles in some of the stages, resulting in some of the most intense moments in shooter history. It's nice to see that Treasure was also able to pen the simple but thought-provoking storyline involving space-time anomaly and infinite hatred that sanwhiched the action though the depth of this is not the epiphany that is Radiant Silvergun or Ikaruga. Thank you Hiroshi Iuchi for another masterful creation.

LIBRARY STATUS: 5 out of 5

Games Played 01/10/2009

Culdcept Saga - X-Box 360
Ikaruga - X-Box 360
Urban Reign - PlayStation 2

RANDOM GAME OF THE DAY:

Fatal Frame II: Crimson Butterfly (2003)
Developer: Tecmo Ltd.
Platform: PlayStation 2
Purchase Date: 12/13/2003


Just because there are two characters on screen doesn't mean the game is less scary.
Instead, your twin sister is really there for a very, very twisted reason.

So, what is it about twins that intrigue us the most? The wondrous creation of such phenomenon? The special bond that they normally develop between each other? Tecmo took the darkest route possible and told an almost taboo story of a village that sacrifices twins in an unspeakable, horrific old tradition. Two teenage twins are lured into a ghost town as they discover, a piece at a time, the horrible fate that awaits them. The first Fatal Frame was scary enough but this sequel will have you running for the door. It upped the ante with a whole village to explore versus just one large mansion in the original, a more developed, disturbing mythos involving ancient acts of violence, an alien world of authentic Japanese milieu, and the whole twin thing that is just, for a lack of better word, wrong. So what weapon did the developer chose to give the player to keep at bay the spectral evils that seem to slither out of every other decrepit structures and dark places encountered? An old camera. As we've heard before, taking a picture of someone steals a part of his/her soul and the mechanic works with these creatures of the night. Yes, switch to the first person mode and watch in glee as the ghosts fly freely towards you. Morbidly brilliant.

LIBRARY STATUS: 5 out of 5