I have been thinking about life and death a lot recently. It's all pretty depressing, but I found the whole process to be necessary and sobering. What brought this about? Well, with my gaming activities a bit more under control these days, thanks to my focused YouTube streaming, I have also managed to get back into more creative endeavors - specifically, writing my novel, Point to Pathos, that I used to showcase here on this site. I am currently working on 3 novels but PtP is my pet project. Unfortunately, PtP takes a lot from me whenever I write it because it's quite personal to me and also, it's extremely bleak. This reminded me of a conversation I had with a colleague of mine many moons ago. I was in the process of writing a love story which was slated to end with a horrible tragedy. It affected me so much that it seeped into my professional life. My colleague urged me to change the ending for the sake of my own mental health. But I didn't. Sometimes, you have to part with a piece of yourself for your art. I surely did. It changed me. Not for the better. Not for the worse. It just did.
I feel like I am in the same situation currently with PtP. I know where this novel is heading and it's not a happy place. But it's the only place where the story should go. There is no other option. Reviewing what I had written so far in itself was not an easy process. There were parts where I felt like I fell into a deep sinkhole and it took a while for me to get myself out of them. So right now, I am feeling lost and alone in my own little world as I battle my inner demons. I do feel quite accomplished whenever I completed another page, so it may not be the easiest thing to do in the world, but at least it's a very rewarding task. It's a struggle for me these days though, I feel that heaviness on me during most of my waking hours, but I am hoping that things will get better with time. Video games help, somewhat, but it is during a time like this that I wish that I had someone whom I could really talk to about... things. That's the curse of being a Loner Gamer I suppose. Oh well, life is not easy sometimes. Deal with it!
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