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Monday, February 22, 2016

A Christmas Story

Remember what I wrote about my husband's Thanksgiving 2014 reveal? Noticed how I didn't really elaborate on his family's reaction to the news? Well, back then though things seemed to be fine, there was a part of me that knew that things wouldn't be so simple. I didn't really want to dwell on that doubt because I'd like to be optimistic about things but unfortunately, things did start to unravel soon after I posted that article.

I remember suggesting that my husband approach his father privately to talk about the truth about him because I know that his father is a bit of a control freak. My husband insisted that he wanted to do things on his own terms but it was later revealed that his father was not pleased about the group-level announcement during that Thanksgiving dinner. It translated into a trust issue though I suspect that it goes deeper than that. There is a reason why my husband's mother informed him to never tell his father about him being bisexual and the reason behind that became rather obvious then. Thus, the relationship between my husband and his father began to falter soon after the announcement with the latter often questioning my husband about trusting him. It's gotten so bad that during the July 2015 incident when my husband was hospitalized in San Diego, his father made mention to me that my husband "doesn't trust him anymore" during my communication with him.

When my husband returned from San Diego, he also suffered from bouts of depression and that resulted in lesser and lesser communication with his father. When they did talk, everything seemed to be okay but it was obvious that his father wasn't happy with him. My husband did explain to his father that he had been depressed but I noticed that his father could only see one thing: it's all about him and not about my husband. Things got worse on Christmas last year however when his father didn't even show up for Christmas dinner, something that we have hosted at our place forever. He didn't even bother telling my husband that he wasn't coming. My husband called him all morning to check where he was at, only to be contacted by his sister later on that they already ate Christmas brunch and that they weren't coming because they didn't know we were hosting a Christmas get together because my husband hadn't been calling them to communicate just that. I could care less what they do for Christmas but to listen to my husband's defeated voice during that call really hurt me. It was cruel what they did knowing that my husband was going through a lot with his injury from San Diego and his depression, among other things.

Several people asked me how my Christmas was last year and I just said it was fine. The fact of the matter is, it was a fucked up Christmas. My husband couldn't see that it wasn't his fault that his father treated him that way and he had been catering to his dad to restore the relationship ever since. They seem to get along better these days though I doubt that whatever it was that his father felt ever since he knew about our relationship is still there I'm sure. I do understand why my husband is doing what he's doing. He has always been close to his family and he couldn't see himself losing that. To me, I think there's something wrong when you are punishing someone who is supposedly your family when that person is down in the dumps physically and mentally. I'm glad I am selfish when it comes to pursuing my happiness because people are more than willing to take that away from you as selfishly as well.

Not all is bad last Christmas though: Here's Yoshi receiving her X'mas gift.

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